I'm emotional. Not all the time, but it's often just under the surface until something pierces my defenses. I suppose I don't have the thickest of defenses. However, I'm okay with my defenses and my emotions because I can acknowledge feelings and then accept responsibility for my choices following.

Before I get more off tangent I'm going to go back to a Friday night. Kari, Will, Lucia, and I are driving from the Covey Arts Center in Provo to Noodles & Co. when I slip into a role of pointing out things to the kids in order to keep them in a good mood and perhaps teach them about their surroundings. The road curves and I see the familiar sign for The Mending Shed. "Lucia and Will look at the wood on that building. Do you know where that wood came from?" I stop. I can't say it because the tears are welling in my eyes and I'm the driver. Kari looks over at me and steps in to explain that the wood came from their Great Great Grandpa Huntsman's farm in Idaho.

When I visited my sisters Keeley and Alex in Kanab this March I started to cry for how happy I was to have this chance to hang out in the kitchen chatting and playing with the kids or the animals talking and talking and talking. I stay up late whenever they come to visit. I tell them every new story I have- and a few they've heard before. I cry when I hug them a little longer and a little tighter and tell them I love them.

For Mother's Day Lucia gave me a card where (with a little help) she had written, "I love you!" It was so sweet and of course tears welled up. However, I accept that I'm emotional and moved to tears at times. I just might stock up on tissues though.

Lucia: Will, do you want to be big and strong to drive big trucks? Then you have to eat this hash brown.

Will: I just want to drive a police car and take all those bad guys to jail.

6:00 a.m. is a magical time, for those who are awake. I decided to stay up all night. I have been in a poor sleeping pattern and decided to break it in an unusual way. It also helped to be caught up in a TV series on Hulu.

Now to keep myself awake I decided to do some laundry, put away some toys, and generally stay busy quietly lest I wake Lucia. The most wonderful part...no pants. I know, I know, but you should try it once. My sister Alex told me when no one was home she loved to walk around the house with no pants- she still wore a shirt and underwear, just no pants. I've done it a few times out of laziness like when the pants I want to wear are in the dryer and I don't want to put on pants only to take them off in less than twenty seconds.

Nothing amazing happened. It was simply silly, fun, and liberating. I do wear pants to breakfast though so now it's time to don those magical trousers.

I want a nap.

I was awakened at night. I was awakened by hope, hope that I could smell and taste. Yet as I rushed through the night I found I was betrayed. I returned defeated having found the hope was lying in ruins after being consumed by another. Farewell beloved corn bread pudding leftovers, until you return again, farewell.

Alton Brown's Sweet Corn Bread Pudding (of dreams)

Childhood myths are one of those things that sometimes follow you even into adulthood. Sometimes they are things you misunderstood or perhaps simple teasing that you fall for and never quite shake. The ones that stayed with me the longest are as follows.

Sizzler - I remember at least once driving past a Sizzler and asking my mom if we could go there to eat. She told me it was too expensive. So, I spent many years believing only rich people ate at Sizzler.

Oatmeal - I heard someone once say that oatmeal sticks to your ribs. I believed that when I swallowed oatmeal it lined the inside of my ribs. Obviously the mechanics of that improbability did not occur to me at the time.

I'm sure I'm creating new ones for my daughter.

I was in my parent's kitchen tonight holding my precious niece, Sophie, as she molded her tiny body in complete comfort and trustful slumber and I could no longer hold in my tears. This past week has been so full of love. No monumental events occurred that might find themselves told on a movie screen. Something more amazing than any camera could capture- life!

I will cry more in the next twelve hours but it is not all tears of sorrow. I am so blessed, so grateful, so loved. On this day for mothers I acknowledge the strength of the women in my heart.

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

If there were a record player for my heart it would be this song. I know I will cry. However, I know I will not cry alone because my mom, my sisters, and our daughters will be the strength we are to each other.



Photo by Wade Haskell

I've already told my mom I want an adjustable crescent wrench and a socket set for my birthday. If my sisters want to get me something fun I have a suggestion:

Harold and Maude print via Etsy

I am sitting on the sidewalk drawing with chalk when I am approached by my nephew, Will.

Will: M, what is that?

M: It's a flag, Willie. It's the flag for Sweden.

Will: Oh.

M: You're part Swedish, Will.

Will: Yeah, but I'm funny.

Yes, you are Will.